Thinking back on the holidays, I had some thoughts I wanted to share with you. Christmas promises to be “the most wonderful time of the year”, or so the lyrics of Andy Williams’ familiar holiday song tell us. Each year at the holidays, people spend weeks decorating, buying and wrapping gifts, writing out cards, preparing special food, and making plans to spend time with family. Sometimes things do not go as hoped, and disappointment sets in: families argue, flights are cancelled, gifts are not appreciated, or people get the flu. However, even when these things don’t happen and our holiday expectations are generally met, what we experience does not satisfy us, or, at best, gives us merely fleeting pleasures.
Would you like to experience a deep contentment that is not contingent on favorable circumstances at Christmas or at any other time during the year? I know I would. But is this possible?
Let me begin by defining what contentment is: Contentment is the state of being satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.” It is finding deep satisfaction in God alone and in His provision. It is experiencing His peace and confidence even in the most trying times.
In his classic 1648 book, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment the Puritan minister Jeremiah Burroughs declares, “Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every situation.” It is the opposite of grumbling, complaining and ingratitude.
You may be wondering whether a contentment this profound is even possible. Let me assure you it is possible, and the Apostle Paul lets us in on the secret in Philippians 4:11-13.
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Contentment Does Not Depend Upon Our Circumstances.
When Paul says that he learned contentment, we know that his lessons were not theoretical. When we look at Paul’s life, we see that he went through trials well beyond what most of us will ever experience in life. He was: rejected, beaten, stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, hungry, thirsty, he spent a night and a day in the open sea, and had physical ailments, including the famous “thorn in the flesh.” It is in each of these situations that God taught Paul how to be content in any and every situation.
This is vividly illustrated in Acts 14:14 when Paul and Silos cast an evil spirit out of a young slave girl who was telling fortunes. Because she could no longer earn money for her owners, they had Paul and Silos handed over to the authorities. They stripped, beaten, flogged, and thrown into prison, but even then, they could be heard praying and singing songs of praise which had a profound impact on those around them.
In my counseling practice, I often hear people say, “If my spouse did not neglect me, I would not be depressed,” or, “If I was not out of work I would not have started drinking.” The implication is that circumstances dictate that we respond in less-than-ideal ways. But Paul shows us that this does have to be the case.
Difficult circumstances do not have to make us discontented, but when we do see discontentment in our lives, it can reveal what we are setting our hopes on. It shows us what we value, love, and worship. We were all created by God to be worshippers, and we either worship the one true God or counterfeit gods. Anything that we worship other than the one true God has the power to enslave us. This can easily lead to disillusionment.
We often believe that if our circumstances would change, we would be content but Paul proves that this just isn’t true.
Contentment Comes from God.
In Paul’s day, one of the most popular philosophical outlooks was Stoicism. One of the central teachings of the Stoic school was the virtue of indifference to things that one has no control over. If something is outside of your control, it is not out of control; it is in God’s control. Christian faith and trust allow us to put on this mindset of contentment in suffering while knowing it is only temporary, and that God is in control. Paul found deep, satisfying contentment in God. Contentment comes not from favorable circumstances but from our Savior. Elizabeth Elliot wrote, “It is Christ in me not me in a different set of circumstances.”
Throughout Scripture we see countless examples of people who were content in difficult situations because they relied upon God. In the life of Joseph, David, Job, Peter, and Stephen, we see a few examples.
The best example was the life of Jesus himself, the suffering servant. Jesus left heaven where he reigned as king and humbled himself, becoming a man and walked among us. Jesus suffered: rejection, abuse, physical torture, abandonment, unlawful beatings, and was eventually killed. Yet, he relied on God throughout and was content knowing that God would bring good out of evil. Jesus said that he endured the cross for the joy set before him. What was that joy? It was us, that we would receive salvation through his death and resurrection and spend eternity with him in heaven.
Our culture tells us that we must be self-sufficient, and independent and that we can do anything if we set our minds to it. But God told Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 that His power is made perfect in weakness. For a mature Christian, life is led in constant reliance on God.
Let me give you an example of this lived out in my own life. One night my husband and I were in the car having an argument. During the argument, I silently prayed a “flare prayer” to God. I honestly told God how hurt I was, how angry I was, how hard my heart was and how I did not even want to play nice. Almost instantly God intervened and changed me. Within a matter of seconds, I could not even remember what the argument was about. I immediately apologized for my part in the quarrel and sought to work through the conflict.
You might be saying to yourself, “Well, I cannot even imagine having the presence of mind to do that during an argument.” How did I do it? Let me quote Paul in Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Contentment Must Be Learned
Contentment is not found or imparted; it is learned. Paul learned contentment through various trials over the course of his lifetime. Change is a process that can take years to cultivate.
Charles Spurgeon, the famous British pastor wrote that contentment is not a natural propensity of man. Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow brambles and thistles; they come up naturally enough, because they are indigenous to earth: and so we need not teach man to complain: they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care. Now, contentment is one of the flowers of heaven, and if we would have it, it must be cultivated; it will not grow in us by nature; it is the new nature alone that can produce it.
Practical Ways to Learn Contentment
We must foster a closer personal relationship with God.
The only way to do this is through Jesus Christ and what he did for us on the cross when he forgave our sins. We need to have time with God in Bible study and prayer each day. Tim Keller wrote What is a Quiet Time? to help us have a richer devotional life.
We must learn the Bible’s truths about God’s character and his promises.
We must meditate on the nature of God’s character, and see that he is all loving, good, powerful and faithful despite what our circumstances might tell us.
We must also learn that God has higher purposes for all the trials we confront and hold on to his precious promises. You might want to start with the story of Joseph (Genesis 37-50) and see how God brings good out of evil. Study Romans 8:28 which says, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.”
Once we have learned God’s Word, we must apply it to our lives and obey God’s truth which he has revealed to us in the Bible.
We must unmask our counterfeit gods.
Often the source of our discontent can be found in setting our hearts on things, often good things, that have become too important. In the end, these things cannot truly satisfy us.
We need to ask ourselves diagnostic questions to unearth what we are believing in, trusting in, and what we are worshipping other than God. We must then repent for having trusted and worshiped these counterfeit gods. One way to do this is by listening for our “If onlys:”
If only I had…..then I would be happy. You can fill in the blank.
If only I could find the right person to marry.
If only I had a better job.
If only my spouse treated me better.
If only my children would obey.
If only I could be thinner, prettier, smarter, richer, more popular…
You might also ask yourself the following questions: What do you think you need? What must you have to be happy? What do I fanaticize about when your mind wanders? If you could be granted a wish, what would it be? When we see what has replaced God on the throne we must ask for forgiveness and remove it.
We must change our thinking.
Romans 12:2 says,” You will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” So much of our attitude can be changed if we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. We must replace the what ifs with what is: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things” (Philippians 4:8.)
We must be in relationship with God’s people.
We cannot learn contentment in isolation but must be in relationship with others. God ordained that his church community would help you, encourage you, model Christ for you, challenge you and pray for you to grow in Christian contentment.
If you are not thriving in your present circumstances and need professional help, please reach out to me at Beth Hastings Counseling and I will do my best to help you.
God bless,
Beth Hastings